I got a sponsor.
It felt like asking someone on a date!
I met this woman at my first meeting ever, and got a really good vibe from her. She was on my shortlist of 2 for women I was considering asking. She continued to text me and check on me after that first meeting but we hadn’t seen each other again.
On Friday, she texted to ask how I was doing. I said I was good. Then she asked if I had a sponsor. Just the day before I had been thinking it was time, I needed to ask someone and get started. So I thought, here it is, the moment.
I wanted to just reply, no, I don’t have a sponsor yet, and see if she would offer (does that happen?) But I figured this was a chance to practice asking for what I needed and that I should be assertive instead of passive. So I told her no, not yet, but I had been thinking of asking her and would she want to be my sponsor? If not, was there anyone else she would recommend?
I got butterflies and felt a super adrenaline rush. I was nervous waiting for her reply. Was I out of line to ask? We didn’t even know each other! What are the guidelines for picking a sponsor?? Do you need to have met more than once? All sorts of anxiety-fueled thoughts.
Finally, she responded, “Of course. It’s an important part of my program to sponsor other women in recovery. I was really asking because it’s been so useful and beneficial to me.”
Even after she said yes I still felt like, gahh, she probably doesn’t want to, she’s busy, she was just asking if I had a sponsor, not trying to sign up for the job.
But I know that I have to let those thoughts go. If she didn’t want to or wasn’t able to she would have said no. I can only ask for what I need and let others meet those needs if they are able. It’s pointless to imagine all the different thoughts someone might have about a simple request.
Actually, I just looked back at our text exchange from Friday to write this post. I remembered her saying “sure, it’s an important part of my program…”. In reality she was much more enthusiastic! She said of course and she used many exclamation points. I was projecting all these feelings of reluctance on her when those were not even the signs she was giving me!
I’ve got work to do.
We met yesterday (Sunday) and shared some of our stories and she gave me some assignments. I think she will be a great fit for me and felt like we had a lot in common (of course, I am finding things in common with everyone in recovery). I like her energy and the calm way she shares her knowledge and experience. She told me she was a strong introvert and had anxiety, which surprised me because she comes across as very outgoing, but I suppose I don’t really come across as an introvert or having anxiety either.
I am trying my hardest to be really open to this experience and to say yes to things I don’t at all want to do. The whole “rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.” Alright then, here I come!
The first assignments are not too hard. 3 meetings a week (on top of IOP, thus far I’ve been going to 2), read The Big Book up to How it Works, say 20 visualizations/affirmations twice a day, and call her once a day.
Of those, calling her will be the hardest for me. Gah. I did love that when she assigned that she said, “it helps me too to be in contact with other alcoholics,” which framed it in a way that made me feel like less of an imposition.
I just found this:
I guess I’m doing alright!