Trying to remember love and compassion lately. I know logically that behind most poor behavior and Things that Really Piss Me Off are someone else’s very real problems that I know nothing about. A few women at work that I often think of as “evil” and “the worst people ever” are the way they are because of sad things in their life. Loneliness. Anxiety. Other things they don’t show the world, except for manifesting them in lashing out and acting in selfish ways. They could really use some love and compassion, instead of the disdain and avoidance I often serve up.
I have moments where I really get that. And then I think I’m good and I’m going to be so peaceful and loving from now on.
And then I get frustrated with myself the next day when they do something I perceive as rude or stupid and I give them the stink eye or internally wish they would explode (ugh, sooo not loving) instead of being kind. Or even just praying for them quietly in my mind (PRAYING! Did you get that? Praying would absolutely not have been an option for me even a week ago).
But I know. Progress not perfection.
I also have the defect where I want to “fix” other people. If they could only see what I see, they would be so much happier! And again, logically, I know I can’t control what other people think or feel. I can’t make them see the world the way I see it. I can’t change people’s political opinions and I can’t make others want recovery in the same way I want it. Logically, I get that. And in some cases, I can accept that these are things I cannot change. But sometimes I find it very hard to practice, and I get frustrated with myself for not practicing acceptance and letting go perfectly.
Anyway. Working on it. This morning I prayed (!!!!) for all the people that normally piss me off. Give them peace. Let them have a good day. And for myself. Let me accept the tasks I am asked to do without resentment. Let me do my best to help however I can.
I think it really helped!